Edgar Now!

As per my advice a few posts down (oct. 20).

I said: "Try, not to look at things with an open mind, but actually, to look at things with an open mouth, that feels more right."

I've thought about it and I was thinking maybe its not right because zombies walk about with open mouths and thats not good. Usually their eyes are closed or half closed too. So maybe the if for some reason your mouth is open, you should have your eyes fully open too. Like a look of surpise if thats what you feel.

Now, what I really should have said is... try looking with your tounge floating in the middle of your mouth, not touching any of your teeth. i think your mouth can be open when you breath in and closed when you breath out. or closed all the time.

I choose to live experimentally.

signed,
yours truly

p.s.- the floating tounge not touching any of the teeth and breathing in through the mouth and out through the nose like that is actually a legitimate breating practice on the path to yoga that i read about in Swami Rama's book The Path of Fire and Light: Vol.1.

It is stormy. This storm consists of wind and rain.

Its unfortunate that life consits of dilemma's.

Sometimes the dictionary is so horrible at defining words, but luckily, I am satisfied with this particular definition:

di⋅lem⋅ma  –noun
1. a situation requiring a choice between equally undesirable alternatives.

I think I may even leave this as my whole post becasue I like the definition so much.
But I think again, that something is wrong with having a dilemma because why shouldn't there be a desireable choice??

I know that I have these dilemmas and at the same time Ive known forever what ive wanted out of them (meaning which choice to choose). But It looks like it might be that what confounds one into such a dilemma, or at least me into a whole lot of my own dilemmas, is the abashment of my own true nature.

(I like 4 and 5 particularly)
con⋅found
1. to perplex or amaze, esp. by a sudden disturbance or surprise; bewilder; confuse: The complicated directions confounded him.
2. to throw into confusion or disorder: The revolution confounded the people.
3. to throw into increased confusion or disorder.
4. to treat or regard erroneously as identical; mix or associate by mistake: truth confounded with error.
5. to mingle so that the elements cannot be distinguished or separated.
6. to damn (used in mild imprecations): Confound it!
7. to contradict or refute: to confound their arguments.
8. to put to shame; abash.
9. Archaic.
a. to defeat or overthrow.
b. to bring to ruin or naught.
10. Obsolete. to spend uselessly; waste.


a⋅bash 
–verb (used with object)
to destroy the self-confidence, poise, or self-possession of; disconcert; make ashamed or embarrassed: to abash someone by sneering.


BUT ALAs! How can a dilemma be solved? Maybe this even leads to another dilemma. I could remember all the times the shining of my (or your) spirit was nullified. But this might lead me on a road of self pity or self aggrandizement which wallows in the result rather than percieving and transending the source of woe. Or I could seek to understand my actions and reactions and determine to be free from all fears. HA! It looks like theres not a dilemma at all. thats an easy one. Im just lazy! The problem is laziness and probabaly impatience arising from unabated desire.

a⋅bate
1. to reduce in amount, degree, intensity, etc.; lessen; diminish

Well, now that thats solved, I'm gonna go cry.


(abate, abash, confound, dilemma)

I am launching a new website today. I hope you like it.

http://sites.google.com/site/edgarnowsurvive/

A few minutes of watching TV revels the psychosis which apparently is seen as normal at this time.
Authorities abound on countless subjects, most of which could be consider to be competely devoid of human life.
Does this mean our death?

I want to know the other options. How does one reconcile the need to combat these forces pushing unrelentingly towards death, and the need to live in the world?

We are being pushed through this thing called world. And its usually not into a springtime retreat in the bahamas!

I don't have anything to write about travels cause I havent gone anywhere. I want to go traveling. I don't want to go traveling.
(I wish I knew the secret. I wish I had the key to unlock it.)

I don't think I am running away from action. I think that I am contemplating what right action is.

Advice. This is a bad place. Try, not to look at things with an open mind, but actually, to look at things with an open mouth, that feels more right.

A Medley

You can't fall off the World

My subconcious mind still thinks the Earth is flat.
It looks to the edge and thinks that it will fall off.
Im trying to make it see that it is rounder than that.
If you walked real far you could say you went down but they you see that you'll come up again.

If I could fly I think I'd walk down the street.
Of course it would be in New Dehli, Tibet, Los Angelas or Toronto.
At 3 oclock i would eat lunch and then I would head off to LA so to take a stroll down the block.
Something simple.
Better yet, I could follow the Night or chase a storm and find the desolate places to walk.
Where no one is around, but the trace of their memories fill the place to the brim.
Which star would I go to?

I like to call home near the water. But sometimes the ocean seems so lonely.
Dry land is ok but my first love was a Mermaid.

UNTITLED

To the senses, pain and pleasure, call on your mind.
For the senses, are a channel for your mind to "the world".

Marco,
You love your senses, you hate the world.
You love the world, you hate your senses.
I think they are the same.

No Marco,
I think you just hate everything. Your a louse. Your vehicle is a mouse.
Geez you need to just get out of bed and do some work.

"Oh but work is confusing. I am too confused, confused."

Now tell me, what is your name?
What brought you here, and how are you doing?

Why, your an outcast here, you've been deflated.
Your tires were popped, you were running flat.

Oh Marco, don't you know?
What is it that you need?

"So, the rich and the famous, have got what I need... but escape... that is dangerous."

The Secret of the Game:
Paste before I erase it all.

References:underestimated

Today I went back into the past and was lucky enough to bring back some things that are useful. The theme I am working with here is "underestimated". Before I read Romy's post and found a word that nicely put together the experience, I experienced myself in my youth and noticed that there was this beingness there that was my acceptance. My biggest people I accepted were moved into this liquid of acceptance. This warm liquid was like everything i had to offer. Unfortunatly, I believe that the trap was to move them into this liquid of acceptance and from there have control over me. To put it another way, you have this love which exists by itself and is you and you end up placing someone in that field of your own beingness and when they turn and reveal that in fact that they are devoid of this love and you try and try to make yourself right based on the initial decision that you loved (which implies they love) to the point where, unable (out of ignorance) to change your decision and agree that they are untouched by love, you (out of ignorance) change yourself unwittingly and your own light becomes dull with the shades of their darkness.
Now you are the "underestimated".

Perhaps the most brilliant revelations I have been pressed to see is to observe the darkness that is the cause of all humiliation and degredation and evils of all forms. It has to be held as the highest knowledge because it is the cause of all obstructions on the Path to the Highest. Nothing is higher than the highest. Take form away from the formless, you still have formlessness. See:Purna

In this world of Darkness, the Light is degraded so that it forgets that it is formless and forgets that it creates. Then we become "underestimated" by our accumulation of formed views of ourself.
For example, some terrible nothing good to say person comes along into a peaceful forest, mocks the silence and stillness around and fills it with their worthless chatter. perhaps this being comes in the form of a human so you agree with him on some level (agreeing on human form) and are casually manipulated into agreeing more and more with this being until you yourself feel an aversion for this silence and stillness to the point where you begin to allow whatever noise to come in solely in an attempt to run away from this stillness or silence. But before this occured you were this same stillness and silence and this was your forest. But, due to a psycopaths murders, you fear your own potency and must be told what is true. This is where television, radio, doctors, science, news casters, etc. come in. Controllers control by programmed fear. The fear arose only because you agreed with them just a little bit and as you agreeed to a greater degree, you adopted their own fear of the silence and stillness which was once yours.

So this is what I found of my own past. Maybe with some elaborations. As terrible as it may seem. Ive grabbed the ball and must allow that redeeming knowledge that tells me many of those heros and heroines of my youth and elsewhere were my bitter enemies in the truth of things. And one who doesnt respect you now, will never respect you later. And yes I, like all things true and good in this world, was "underestimated" by a brick wall.

I thought it might be ncice to post this response sent to me by a very wise monk earlier this year. I thought today that I should review its contents and check myself in different regards. I thought I would share it here....

=====
Marco,

I think you're too smart to just be drifting around as you are. Are you afraid of the responsibilities that might accompany going to college? Or the challenges?

An important part of the eightfold path is Right Livelihood, but that doesn't merely apply to work - it has to do with where you fit into the world. YOU do not fit into this world as a homeless wanderer. For all the poetic appeal of such a path, you have a potential and destiny to do more with yourself, both for yourself and others. Consider what you can giveback .

Don't let opportunities for greater happiness and fulfillment pass you by.

I would also like you to think about renunciation. Part of renunciation is avoiding the perspective that the "grass is always greener on the other side of the fence". Find your happiness where you are NOW. That doesn't mean you must become a barnacle and attach to the nearest rock. It is merely a warning not to fall into the delusion that things will be better elsewhere. After all, we carry our delusions with us wherever we go.

The Dharma is above all a practical spiritual path. Please think about that.

Whatever you decide to do, there will be support for you if you ask for it. But I think you get restless because you avoid commitment.

Stuff to think about...hopefully it will piss you off a little bit? The role of any Buddhist priest is to be suitably irritating, and I think I sometimes fail by not being irritating enough. :)

Ahem.
I am Trying to figure out my best objective.
Obviously, its the means of eliminating impatience.
(that is, the objective is known, but impatience dwells in a sleepy or idle mind)

So now I am trying to figure out what makes us sleepy.

Too much rest makes one sleepy, thats for sure.
I know that I have to stop sleeping. (not emough time to practice, just have to do)

If a performer in a show can change costumes in the blink of an eye, and sets could change like lightening, then i think that performance would be the example of endurance and a pinnacle of pursuit. maybe.

I still don't know what makes me sleepy. Ive always been 10 times more sleepy than I've desired. I guess it takes practice and patience.

Tonite, memories of some friends from far off lands remind me to be happy, and do good.

Peace to you all.

The body is a collection of memories. Through the emotional content (from ourselves and from others) of these memories we become attatched to these bodies. These bodies express as such- up, down, left, right, back, foward- using those memories. Through our own discrimination, we are capable(varying capacity to choose) of deciding which of these memories to use in this ever moving merry-go-round. There must be a purpose for this??

The true self is the viewer of these memories. Without emotion it is actually blissfull and not attatched to these memories (or the body). Not attatched to a body, freedom ensues, as its motion (creates its own force). Discrimination between thoughts is the means of finding this True Self. In doing so we find the Creator witnessing the created (memories, thoughts, etc.)
Thats the purpose for all this!!

Find the Creator of your self, within your self. Talk to your Creator then decide what to do (and not do). Today!

I don't think I could fully stress the necessity and benefit of regular meditation. So many situations and locations in life can bring the terribleness in this world to the minds perception. Why can't someone be eternally at peace (without death, not that death brings peace, but sometimes it seems like it does)? Why can't someone always be happy even in the face of the worst-worst things?

The hard way and the easy way are both full of tears.

I just got done the long workout of traveling a big expanse of this country. Perhaps the most profound thing I can think about it is the glory and beauty of the hard way contrasted by that absolute sadness that belongs to the easy way. Laziness is the easy way.
I get sad if I think that I have desired and chosen the easy way at times because the fruits of the easy way are fruits of whatever it is that is easy. But from the silence of meditation you see that the hard way is the real way. The world is not real. Brahma Satyam Jagan Mithya; The Absolute is real, the world is only relativly real.

Here where I am now, my mind keeps perceiving these images of the past, accompanied with emotion and all. But after so long of seeing it, I can't take it anymore. Years of nostalgia and expereiences seen as pretty pictures and identity. Meditation is the only way out of it. Love is beyond those pictures and emotions and identities. The hard way is the only way out of it. And out is the only way.

The hard way without a past is the ultimate path of service.