Edgar Now!

I remember one winter during a few years ago I was making my way north to Canada. I made it to Minneapolis through the cold cold of Denver and Kansas City and Des Moines. I stayed in Minneapolis for a few days and traded my pretty good sleeping bag for an extreme cold one which was very warm, but also very heavy. When I left Minneapolis I had to wait in the snow at a small train yard north of the city. As the sun was setting I got on a train that stop for a moment and started the ride northwest. At about 4 am i was wandering around a slightly bigger yard at the main split for trains going to either to Winnipeg or Alberta. I was kinda at a loss on what to do so i asked a worker if there were any trains going north. He called on his radio to find out but none were going there at the time. He told me to watch out going pass the office because the bull (railroad police) was there.

I walked up to where the split was a good distance from the tracks and set out my sleeping bag and bed roll to get a little sleep and warmth. I woke up at sunrise and began watching for a train that would take the north split. Around 10 or 11 I got what I wanted and a train rolled by and took the north split. As I watched I begged that it would keep going slow enough to catch it on the fly. It was a GM (General Merchandise) train so i was going to look for a grain car to ride. Getting on this train took 2 tries.

Brushes with death are useful because, if your sane, you want to complete the task you started, so you have to ignore death actually. This time, i seemed to have not noticed how heavy my bag was and also ended up unaware that the lowest rung of the ladder was actually pretty high. This gave my legs nowhere to go but under the train, towards the wheels. Maybe i had good practice in a past life on the trapeze. I tucked my legs in and let me knee hit the big rotating wheel. My trapeze skills have seemed to be slightly warn out since that incarnation. The added 40+ pounds of my backpack proved that I need go get to the gym. The weight was too much to pull up and my legs dragged along the ground.. So I planned a dismount.

My mind decided to wait for the track switch which was coming up to pass, and then push off. The hope was that my legs would get saved from the too close wheels. Good, simple plan. No need to blow up the train or something drastic. And it worked.

Now I had to decide if I was to continue. Fear was the first to have its audience. But the danger had passed. In assessing the situation, I was in the "middle of nowhere" Minnesota, cold, and not willing to wait for another opportunity. The real drive was that I really wanted to get where I was going. Although the purpose might have been considered insignificant, the desire was great. I am a person with small desires. When the small desire is threatened with extinction, everything I have goes into it. Without it, life would not exist. If one is to survive Silence shall take over action and what is good will persist.

So I persisted.

In the second attempt I checked my mistakes. Got on the back of the train where the wheels did not threaten, and watched the ladder. It worked. Other obstacles arose later, but all were overcome. Journey completed, desire fulfilled and I have gained a freedom from that Karma.

We are told to be a slave to our actions (Karma). We are asked to believe that our actions are bound to cause more actions in the future in a law of cause and effect. But that doesn't have to be true. The way to break the bondage of Karma is to do what is in your heart or your essence. Don't accept Karma as your lot in life. Be persistent in following your heart.

Success and Disaster walk hand in hand on the street of a city.
Disaster - forever jealous of Success and covertly hostile though hand-in-hand.
With Success's love, Disaster seems good. With Disaster's attention, Success seems bad and goes unwanted.

Is there really balance here?

Success needs to wake up.

Disaster lost control soon enough, punched Success right square in the mouth.
Success realized itself then - got vicious towards Disaster, now face down on the pavement.

Try not to get confused by this story.
Bad isn't necessary to balance Good. The child of that union Suffering.

Kill the Bad.

Fear invites danger.

From silence comes a story.
From talking comes service.

These are the tracks of life today.

Poem By Feng-Kan (Big Stick)

Actually there isn't a thing
much less any dust to wipe away
who can master this
doesn't need to sit there stiff

From The Collected Songs Of Cold Mountain translated by Red Pine

When I was walking back to my body this morning, I almost stepped on one of those barking grasshoppers. I didn't step, and it did bark.

O aphasia* kept me from getting home in time; I tried to stop and talk.

If this happens again, I think that one disease [aphasia] can be cured by another [muteness].

Love,
Edgar Now!


*a⋅pha⋅sia /əˈfeɪʒə/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [uh-fey-zhuh]– noun Pathology. the loss of a previously held ability to speak or understand spoken or written language, due to disease or injury of the brain.