Edgar Now!

Calender years

2010-04-21T20:45:00.000-07:00

nothing strange
nothing right

just talk to yourself.

peace

Valentines Day/ New Years

2010-02-15T13:58:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I gave out cards to people for the occasion of Valentines Day. If you are here from reading the back of the card, welcome. If you wish to connect with me you can add me on facebook.

myspace
http://www.myspace.com/thebarcoprojectrevisited

Also Happy Chinese New Year.

Year of the Tiger.

Well...

2010-01-24T17:58:00.000-08:00

Can you see into my windows?

new fun

2010-01-16T19:08:00.000-08:00

Super acronyms: Acronyms which describe the word they belong to.

Gather = Get all together here eliciting readiness

Dive = Digging into vibrations elated

What's new

2009-11-15T12:57:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time there was war and there was strife
Repeated upon many times, this colored peaceful life.
Till peaceful life was bitter and the sky was all but grey.

No one would play their music, they hid from the rain.
Love was kept in little jars hidden far away.

Ogres ruled and ran the Earth, Liars squatted caves.
And colors worn by ugly beings, were stolen from our dreams.
And the the story kept on going, without its resolution.
And tears were cried for many miles because of loves dilution.

I couldn't find my way home, I looked but darkness followed.
I could not think of who I was, this mind felt scared and shallow.

Who were these beings around me?
It was all just a Lie.

108

2009-10-21T14:39:00.000-07:00

No one ever changes, the path just rearranges.

Zen answers

2009-09-21T17:28:00.001-07:00

Famous Zen Koan:
If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

The sounds it makes is silent and is full of meaning.
If someone is there to hear it, they think, "a tree just fell in these woods"
But if No one is there to hear it, the sound that is heard tells a story full of meaning.
Be No one.

Feet

2009-09-19T16:01:00.000-07:00

I have little time to post these days.

approaching 108.

2009-09-11T12:49:00.000-07:00

I wonder what my 108th post will be.

2009-09-04T10:35:00.001-07:00

I am just a drunk*
A drunk is just a kid.
Made to wear whatever hat
The handler puts on his lid.

Blessed I am to have
An audience so fine
With kind eyes they watch
Lift me up to the sky

Injured I was before
Front of evil eyes I flipped.
So not any more
In Adulthood, it's I who commands the whip

---

*I am using drunk here as a slang term for a novice. I don't know if its been used like that before.

This is a poem for my audience who watched me do backflips in Ashland, Oregon. I wanted to note the dynamic of a child or novice performer which sees the audience carry the performance and the adult or professional performer which see themselves commanding the audience.

Birthday Poem for Madame Cola

2009-09-02T10:41:00.000-07:00

Birthday Poem for Madame Cola

Baby is born.
But not the chances to win.
To the world, the wise are dead
They are beyond beginning and end.

Here is the purest one
And still Karma could crush...
Even the most,
Innocent heart.

A violent rejection
Will sooth the suffering of this personality
Plus a magical wish
To win all that your deserving.

You say, It's not an easy job,
As a Big Buffalo, you see
But feeling all your light
Makes it easy for me

As soon as I can fly
My first stop will be
To come and drink a Cola
Happy Birthday Romy

The Mother

2009-08-29T12:41:00.000-07:00

There is no difference between life and death
Ask the Mother and she will tell you so.

I'm a disgruntled worker,
Petty in my mind.
Tired of my shit,
Bored half the time.

I've no one to tell my secrets.
These secrets will ease the mind.
Life and Death will be easy.
Troubles will be left behind.

The Mother sculpts from clay.
She eventually gets bored.
Then turns her mind from making,
To seeking what can be destroyed.

Destroy nothing that still loves me.
Those keep happy in Mind.
Life and death were not created by me.
Nor created I Time.

So Love me as the Wind
Love me as the Truth.
Love me in honesty.
Write Me, in your book.

2009-08-27T12:40:00.000-07:00

Well, there are beings from outer space and there are beings from further than that.
I'm feeling strange.

Here is a traditional buddhist mantra

Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasamgate, Bohdi svaha.
Gone Gone Gone beyond Gone completely beyond.

Light Dreaming

2009-08-26T11:26:00.000-07:00

Decked out to the max
Covered in sacred objects
I wear unseen objects,
On my ears, on my belt, in my hair.

I sleep sitting up and facing the west.
The posture of Hatha
Brings my mind closer to my bones.

This is the magic of Tripura Sundari

Fuel

2009-08-25T10:54:00.000-07:00

I'm using twitter now:
http://twitter.com/edgarnow

Im very out of money. My goal is to make 170 dollars. Can you help?

Now

2009-08-21T14:39:00.000-07:00

Now

There, that's better.
In the tops of trees everything goes well.

Baby's life spent learning balance,
Then learns to fly.

Birds are in the sky,
I'm still walking on the ground.
Do I feel a bit small?
Here on the ground.

Then

I'm wild eyed again, driving on the road.
half awake, half asleep.
Long drive, just smiles.

Tigers cross my path on the road.
Or was that a dream?

Therefore

Childhood, Past lives has less hurtful meaning,
Games are more fun.
Looking out the window is always interesting now.

2009-08-17T10:25:00.000-07:00

Hello,

I am on the road again. This time with a car. Begging for money on the streets gets me food. Begging for money on the internet get me car gas. Please help out if you can.

Jesus

2009-08-11T11:11:00.000-07:00

Where ever I am, you follow.
I hear you in the sounds around me.
Talking through the world around me.

Instructions from the world around me,
Moving light the forms around me.

A good reason to live

2009-07-31T17:00:00.000-07:00

A good reason to live is small and fits in the palm of your hand, like a seed. It is kept secret, 'lest it be wrestled from you.

television

2009-07-25T23:04:00.000-07:00

After watching a bit of an educational program on what might have been The Discovery Channel or The Learning Channel, I fear that it was designed to misinform and obscure information for viewers in relation to the presented subjects of what I will call "alternative history and science". The theories and such presented were things which have been floating about the internet for the past 10+ years in which trademark "experts" and "sceintists" "professors" and "P.H.D.s" offer a few interesting tidbits filled with a lot of nonsense. Rather, the television seems to add up the experts, while the internet can just let one ramble on for pages.

What is most resentful about these body's of so-called fringe knowledge is when they are presented with an incredible air of suspicion of facts followed by theory and conjecture which must and only correlate the biases towards the facts. To realize the outlandishness of it one only needs to look at how is presented the evidence in relation to the theory. To attempt to draw an example, they say something like, "the Mayans 'might' have had extensive knowledge of our solar system far in advance of the civilizations which were supposedly much more advance of the Mayans" (here experts molest us with words such as "might" "could have" and "maybe"). Then comes the theory from the field expert, which, stated as fact, "The Mayans were trying to tell us something. They had a message for us of the future".

HOGWASH!

This seems to be how a lot of television and even books and other writings are presented. We have a case of the most designer disease of Western Civilization: The Man Is Bigger Than The Mountain... Disease. Surgical Name: IM#1

Signs of the disease are a Mountain of Evidence which is never seen, rarely looked at or black painted gold, standing behind The Man who must be right. Symptoms include confusion, depression, hopelessness, and ultimatly death. Consult your doctor if dead (they don't know how to cure, but they sure know how to move a dead body).

Here I will cut off any more words in exaggerated disgust and end with a closing paragraph.

Is there right knowledge out there? Yes. Will it be found on a television screen? Maybe.
But the truest knowledge comes from within and is verified within. The ancients tell us to go to the wise and learn. The wise tell us to seek direct experience. Both sound like good advice. So that is what I will do.

Rainbows

2009-07-25T10:37:00.000-07:00

Marco is questioning why we think rainbows are neat. To me, when seen full, they look like the sky is frowning.

----
Update: Mr. Jim Danish says "Try standing on your head...."

Marco goes "Ah Ha!"

Go live out in the country

2009-07-16T20:46:00.001-07:00

Go live out in the country

Ive got an attachment to big cites.
Big shirts, big grins, big stomping sounds.
But the good things they offer, come from the void.
The sage says, "go live out in the country"

I wake up,
The movie producer isn't beside me.
Though these days we're getting closer.
The actors are still playing their sinister roles,
Handicapp dogs, shithead mafioso

2 poems

2009-07-16T05:46:00.000-07:00

A Truthful Homage

If I don't close the doors,
Bugs will come in, then bug me.
A clean house offers nowhere to land.
Shoo away bugs, sweep away dust.

The Real Lords

The real Lordesses and Lords of the world are lovers of nature,
Encouraging me brightly to shine in my true nature.
Admiring the grass, the roots and the leaves,
Tell me to write a strong song for the True-Creation.

Anticipation

2009-07-15T23:08:00.000-07:00

I must insist that I keep practicing my flute. It's easier to setup than my saxophone and they are similar enough in fingering that it's like im practicing my saxohone too.

Something

2009-07-13T14:01:00.001-07:00

I want to post something before I eat.

There, now I will eat.

Time Zones

2009-07-05T21:23:00.000-07:00

I woke up on the other side of a Time Zone.
My clock stayed behind.
Really it was right next to me, but its just that it's little thought was different than mine.
Assuming we are equal. Which we are not.

Yet, was I to assume an even smaller thought?
That an hour had passed in the blink of an eye?

4:00 am - 4 hours of sleep - awake - then meditation.

I was sleeping in my car, which I've been doing of late.
Traveling in the direction of the Atlantic Ocean.

The thought that is was now considered 5 am gave rise to a question:
Should I be happy that I woke up on time at or despondent that I woke up late?
I like to be happy.
Now I make a parallel:
When somebody dies are you happy that they were there or are you despondent that they are gone?
I like to be happy.

I can not be both because both,
because one is not real.
Times zones are not real.
And Death is not real.

The imaginary passing of an hour for me.
Is like the imaginary passing of love, you see?

Well on this trip the love of dear dead Annie visited me.
how could this be, if death were not imaginary?
So to remind, that death, like time,
Must be imaginary-
A complex in the mind.
forced to be "true"
by an agreement with "you"
that such a thing exists,
as matter, and space and time.

So if one day you see, the passing of a loved one's body.
Remember that it is just like the clock which we set for our convenience.
In the spring an hour disappears in a moment.
Nothing really lost, just a change of numbers.

Truth or Fiction?

2009-06-24T13:13:00.000-07:00

Today was scary. Almost sad, but there is a lot to prevent that. A girl I met asked me out to lunch today. At first I thought it was a good idea. I went off for my daily meditation thinking that would be back there at 1 o'clock. Some time into my meditation I saw that i had been fooled by a well disguised being of Darkness. I didn't go back to meet her. Should I tell her I've decided to join the monastery?

My body is full of stuff. Or is it?

2009-06-23T11:57:00.000-07:00

Just a post to post. There seems to be too many thoughts running through this mind to be creative.

I'm trying to settle the storm in me. It's hard to know why it exists, but as long as it there, it should be handled.

When A Recluse Goes Out

2009-06-18T13:44:00.000-07:00

When you're having a good time with friends,
Wear something beautiful.
When your made to performs in front of your enemies,
Wear something ugly.
When your enemy kindly asks you how you feel,
Tell him you feel like shit.

When your moving through a busy crowd
Wear dark sunglasses.
When your alone and no one is there,
Remember your friend.
When you can't find the truth in another one's mind,
Walk away and never return.

Yin-yang Non-Dual

2009-06-18T13:08:00.000-07:00

I was looking at my yin-yang, happily playing.
But i accidentally dropped it and it spilled over.
The dark half then sank into the ocean water,
I frowned so sad as my stomach tuned over.

Hands open, I watched a, a few minutes later,
It seemed I got a little bit saner.

I stood there and thought "Was this light I was holding?"
When under the water, the dark half seemed to be glowing.

I looked for my mother, I looked for my father,
They couldn't be found, so i jumped in the water.

I swam to the spot and examined my madness
My spilled black "yang" had a little dot of whiteness.
Leaping conclusions brought me better remembrance,
That white half had a little dot of blackness.
And here underwater, the white core was flowing with gladness.
So as my memory cleared, the black core reminded me of sadness.

While Light was hidden under a layer of black
Darkness made illusions for what it did lack.

And sadness came as things came apart.
But Light was revealed as separate from Dark.

Then illusion became a rock then dissolved,
And True-Light became, The Only, The All.

An Abstract Painting

2009-06-11T18:38:00.000-07:00

An abstract painting,
with a face made of triangles.
shoulders made of triangles.
body made of triangles.

It seems a bit confusing,
And beauty lives beyond words.

When I have something to give you,
I will give it.
Thank you for being there to receive.

Science and Children

2009-06-02T12:42:00.000-07:00

When i was young I came across the myth that if you held your face in a any position for long enough it would get stuck like that. Many of you have heard this myth also. I recall hearing if from a ghoulish older cousin and not knowing if i should believe it of not believe it. In fact, I carried that feeling with me right up to the present day. And boy how it has affected me.

Now we must wonder a little bit about the nature of these myths and how they relate to life. A Child's mind can be destroyed by false data. This damage is not automatically fixed by reaching adulthood. Actually a child's mind is no different from an adults. The fragileness of each coming from the intensity of false data that it utilizes.

Humanity, the individual and the collective has been successfully stopped by the monsters giving out false data. Here on Earth, cancer kills you after your 40. A mysterious Flu from a certain farm animal threatens the entire population. We have found your heart is diseased and in fact, we can only prolong your suffering. This is the monster which has disguised itself as humanity. These are the words that come from the mouths of scientists and doctors whom are one and the same with that ghoulish child who harasses the other naive children for their own evil satisfaction. Or worst, the ghoulish parent who condemns their child with small doses of death out of their own impotency to pick on someone their own size.

So now in daring defiance of those who wish to make the helpless more helpless here is the truth about that one damning myth: It is not true that if you make a face for too long it will get stuck. If you make a face for a long enough time it will get UNSTUCK. Any unconscious habit done intentionally has the effect of weakening that habit.

Thank you, and please experiment with daring.

Hatha Yoga

2009-05-31T16:07:00.000-07:00

I am not one who would wish people dead out of anger or hatred and the like. Today I when I was dreaming I saw a dreamt that many people from whom I went to high school with had died in a plane crash. In the dream I looked at a photograph and obsereved with someone next to me that so many of them had died.

After meditation today I felt something like this quote:

109. He whose mind is neither sleeping, waking, remembering, destitute of memory, disappearing nor appearing, is liberated.

110. He feels neither heat, cold, pain, pleasure, respect nor disrespect. Such a Yogi is absorbed in Samadhi.

111. He who, though awake, appears like one sleeping, and is without inspiration and expiration, is certainly free.

112. The Yogi, engaged in Samadhi, cannot be killed by any instrument, and is beyond the controlling powers of beings. He is beyond the reach of incantations and charms.

113. As long as the Prana does not enter and flow in the middle channel and the vindu does not become firm by the control of the movements of the Prana; as long as the mind does not assume the form of Brahma without any effort in contemplation, so long all the talk of knowledge and wisdom is merely the nonsensical babbling of a mad man.

-Hatha Yoga Pradapika

Wanting 1008

2009-05-25T13:06:00.000-07:00

One side of me drops,
The other side of me jumps.
There will be peace when they dance together.

He is Harmony.

Bring me Music which is Harmony. Bring me Peace. Bring me Truth, Simplicity, Love.

Om Namah Shivaya

A Rose Bush Brings Light To The Ghetto.

2009-05-21T13:32:00.000-07:00

A rose bush brings light to the ghetto.
So many houses, rows and rows.
Dark skinned is one way to be,
Light skinned is another,
Both have their sewers all draining to the sea.

All they wanted was a hero to save them from dark destiny.

In wayward times a hero appears.
When times are good, nobody notices.

Whether true or false,
A hero appears only during war.
Now if I see a hero, I look for the war.

The first hero was a woman, protecting the house we lived in.
The house was called wisdom, and she was a woman too.
To love and shield her was her man's job. Calm, quiet, and serene.

The dark destiny came to them, each in their own way.
Wisdom grew dark and shadows took over.
Glitter blinded those from seeing whence the light came.

Man grew decadent, boastful without cause,
enslaved his own wife to his new vile ways.

Woman, she succumbed, to that Man's false greatness,
twisting her knowing to follow his way.

A rose bush brings light to the ghetto.
That subtle war which everyone knows.

Crying for the woman who knows not her heart.
Teeth barred toward the man who knows not true feeling.

A rose bush brings light to the ghetto.
And many thorns shall pierce those who wish to trample it.

Beyond Death and Time

2009-05-20T16:16:00.000-07:00

Remember that departed soul and where have they gone?
If I feel her breathe through my own body, won't she feel me too?

Indeed it is true.
What a mockery. How death is a mockery.

Upon death, the breath dissolves into the mind and the mind returns to latent form
Yesterdays form behind the trick of Time.
A body is gone, but not the deepest mind.

She has breath, breathing once again in a body.
I hear her breathing, looking out from a body.

She's moving in the city of deep sleep.
Everything, all goes there.

Sacred Fire

2009-05-14T16:17:00.000-07:00

Fire for loving
Fire for cooking
Fire for melting ice

Came closer to the Fire and it warmed me.
It lit the path.

That stuff that burns and scorches is not Fire,
More like ice, frozen divinity.
Fire is the hope on the path of love.

2009-05-08T12:47:00.000-07:00

I'm all tuckered out. More travels coming up. I'm happy about that.
Maybe one of these days the life of humans will change for the better. Would have to get beligerent and rebellious against the old patterns and the ones who keep them in place first.

Well wishes to all those who can wish well.

Fort.

2009-05-03T12:28:00.000-07:00

At the fort
waiting in arms.
Leap the fence
Going beyond.

Hippo

2009-05-02T14:20:00.000-07:00

Hippo hold your back up.
A lot of weight needs a strong back.

Remember the Electric whip and chains?
Yeah, they sucked.

[TSLNotes] Babaji Speaks: The Body

2009-04-23T12:05:00.000-07:00

I got this message below in my email today and found it well timed because today is Annie's memorial.

message from the emails (more at www.babajispeaks.com)

May 31, 2000

aba

"Blessings:
Change is the Law of Nature. Change is difficult for the Ego to accept. People would have Babaji keep one body. How is that possible? The body is temporary. The mind cannot accept that. It cannot accept the end of the body, so it tries to make a God out of the body. But if I kept the body, this the mind would not also accept, and the result would be that many would take this body and shred it to pieces.

"There is a great darkness descending upon this world. Do not be deceived by the good news. The few seek control over the many. You must be strong. You must think for yourselves. BE ALERT. BE AWARE. The arrogance of the ego grows stronger. And this will only lead to misery and despair."

Babaji

**************

p.s. Please send an email to:

tslnotes-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

to make sure you receive more messages from www.babaji.net.

2009-04-21T17:06:00.000-07:00

(For RC)

Growing up - and what to do about it. A story for children.

2009-04-20T23:00:00.000-07:00

I'm too young
You're too old
You're too busy

So who's gonna do it???

----

Don't feel that you are too young.
Don't feel that you are too old.
Don't feel that you are too busy.

The demiurge.

2009-04-20T20:18:00.000-07:00

I saw a demon in the mirror.

I contemplated its nature and realized that it had no light.

The demon in the mirror was dark so it could not be seen/real.

It was a paradox. To see a demon there reflecting light, and to henceforth be seen. Yet the demon has no light and henceforth cannot be real.

I contemplate this:
The unknown is dark and therefore unknown.
When the known and the unknown stand together, a mystery is born.

I found out this:
At the heart of the mystery is a lie.
Its limbs are lies too.
The criminal holds a gun to the hostage.
Hiding behind the light, the so-called unknown projects illusions.

This is when his light went away,
When his sense of grandeur rejected the Light.
From a single thought spawns all the criminals acts.
From fear does the criminal keep up his charade.

Space, Time and the Sun are all his creation.
All his attempts at corrupt manipulation.

The Rescuers came to free the hostage.
A delicate task against a being who had lost it.

What they did was complex, but it was sucessful.

True-beings should awaken, then we can go home.

In Memorial - Annie Rigle

2009-04-19T21:00:00.000-07:00

You are my own heart.
Words cannot express your great love.

May you safely and quickly return to your True Divine Home.
Tr. I. P. (travel in peace)

May you be met with Joy, Celebration, and Laughter.

In Memorial - Annie Rigle 4-8-09

The Morning White Crane

2009-04-13T07:48:00.000-07:00

The Morning White Crane

Don't regret it.
Don't be there where earth was so sad.
There is nothing there, just passing pictures on my soul.

That dreaded deceptive soul mate was my enemy,
Now bind their limbs and let it be their pain.
A black crane lives on the earth and protects me.

The chaos that comes is Life destroying Darkness's system,
Get up in the sky. Get up in the sky.
The white crane doesn't regret flapping its wings.

(For LH)

This Choice of Pigs.

2009-04-02T22:36:00.000-07:00

On Earth we have this choice,
This choice of pigs.
A Sunday choice to sit by the water, but not to bathe
Chosen pain to partake in, but pain can only make them sad.

What can pain add?

I Forget Her Name

2009-04-01T22:29:00.000-07:00

Who am I?

I came across a friend, she layed there kind of weary.
Well, dead asleep she was, of truth I won't be leery.

"Hey there girl, Why don't you awaken?"
I asked by there was no reply
"hmm" I though, now feeling forsaken.
But something else I could try,

I sat for contemplation.

I sat and closed my eyes.

Well don't you know, here she speaks
When there she is dead sleeping.
Here she so much more awake,
Well gee, am I just dreaming?

What she showed me... another time.

Good news. (hopeful)

2009-03-31T22:41:00.000-07:00

The toilets not broken anymore.

The Lamb Wins.

2009-03-30T22:29:00.000-07:00

King of the earth sits on the pulpit and talks about god and greatness.
This and that and thereafter but not a word of help.

The Church is the Beast if you have not read.
And who's behind the church but Darkness.

Look as this picture which could only be Satan:
Walk in giant doors and lit up in lights,
a dead body hangs on a cross.
Listen, be told, "to be obidient" to your husband,
for you are the footstool, his wife.

Grand coup d'etat - holy communion
eating His body and blood!
We've caught you red handed cannibal animals
Finish this picture it should!

Untitiled

2009-03-29T22:26:00.000-07:00

Big and Small
All the powers are within you.
Siddhi yoga

So big and so small.

During the Night

2009-03-28T22:24:00.000-07:00

My angled gaze falls on my shadow on the wall. (in the darkened room)
I'm kicking air, but it's kicking me.

"Hey, why did you kick me shadow?!"

The shadow responses,
"Look, you kicked yourself"

Straiten up now, see how your mind feels better?

Caves down south.

2009-03-27T22:42:00.000-07:00

The caves of sages are not equipped with our modern wonders,
Not an air conditioning in the place.

Soon, as I sweat and soon, as I perfectly breathe,
Life comes and takes away all disease.

Spicy Noodles

2009-03-26T20:47:00.000-07:00

These Spicy Noodles are so spicy.
Hot Hot Hot too much.

Think I will try these Spicy Noodles.

Pressed Out Today's Juice

2009-03-25T21:17:00.000-07:00

fingers woven together,
now i think of something special.
going ahead...
many points for the same percise goal.
a picture,
too, a silent movement.

thumbs for my video game controller.

A thought

2009-03-20T20:57:00.000-07:00

Here an apple falls to the ground, why don't you eat it?

2009-03-16T02:27:00.000-07:00

When there is nothing else to say... but the sound of the clock

tick tock - tick tock - tick tock

A mass.

2009-03-08T10:27:00.000-07:00

I see a mass below me, should it be destroyed?
Hold back the destruction, you can just watch it.
Is it the form of my confusion?
It is confusion, so place your attention on just one thing.

Reflections on discipline

2009-03-06T10:29:00.000-08:00

Some traditions cannot hold water.
A sentimental bowl is useless if its cracked.
A kind thought won't stop a killer.
If the well is too deep to jump in, you need a bucket. But if the bucket won't work, you won't have any water.

We need discipline.

Riding

2009-02-17T16:20:00.000-08:00

I remember one winter during a few years ago I was making my way north to Canada. I made it to Minneapolis through the cold cold of Denver and Kansas City and Des Moines. I stayed in Minneapolis for a few days and traded my pretty good sleeping bag for an extreme cold one which was very warm, but also very heavy. When I left Minneapolis I had to wait in the snow at a small train yard north of the city. As the sun was setting I got on a train that stop for a moment and started the ride northwest. At about 4 am i was wandering around a slightly bigger yard at the main split for trains going to either to Winnipeg or Alberta. I was kinda at a loss on what to do so i asked a worker if there were any trains going north. He called on his radio to find out but none were going there at the time. He told me to watch out going pass the office because the bull (railroad police) was there.

I walked up to where the split was a good distance from the tracks and set out my sleeping bag and bed roll to get a little sleep and warmth. I woke up at sunrise and began watching for a train that would take the north split. Around 10 or 11 I got what I wanted and a train rolled by and took the north split. As I watched I begged that it would keep going slow enough to catch it on the fly. It was a GM (General Merchandise) train so i was going to look for a grain car to ride. Getting on this train took 2 tries.

Brushes with death are useful because, if your sane, you want to complete the task you started, so you have to ignore death actually. This time, i seemed to have not noticed how heavy my bag was and also ended up unaware that the lowest rung of the ladder was actually pretty high. This gave my legs nowhere to go but under the train, towards the wheels. Maybe i had good practice in a past life on the trapeze. I tucked my legs in and let me knee hit the big rotating wheel. My trapeze skills have seemed to be slightly warn out since that incarnation. The added 40+ pounds of my backpack proved that I need go get to the gym. The weight was too much to pull up and my legs dragged along the ground.. So I planned a dismount.

My mind decided to wait for the track switch which was coming up to pass, and then push off. The hope was that my legs would get saved from the too close wheels. Good, simple plan. No need to blow up the train or something drastic. And it worked.

Now I had to decide if I was to continue. Fear was the first to have its audience. But the danger had passed. In assessing the situation, I was in the "middle of nowhere" Minnesota, cold, and not willing to wait for another opportunity. The real drive was that I really wanted to get where I was going. Although the purpose might have been considered insignificant, the desire was great. I am a person with small desires. When the small desire is threatened with extinction, everything I have goes into it. Without it, life would not exist. If one is to survive Silence shall take over action and what is good will persist.

So I persisted.

In the second attempt I checked my mistakes. Got on the back of the train where the wheels did not threaten, and watched the ladder. It worked. Other obstacles arose later, but all were overcome. Journey completed, desire fulfilled and I have gained a freedom from that Karma.

We are told to be a slave to our actions (Karma). We are asked to believe that our actions are bound to cause more actions in the future in a law of cause and effect. But that doesn't have to be true. The way to break the bondage of Karma is to do what is in your heart or your essence. Don't accept Karma as your lot in life. Be persistent in following your heart.

type of balance, proven unnessesary.

2009-02-09T10:36:00.002-08:00

Success and Disaster walk hand in hand on the street of a city.
Disaster - forever jealous of Success and covertly hostile though hand-in-hand.
With Success's love, Disaster seems good. With Disaster's attention, Success seems bad and goes unwanted.

Is there really balance here?

Success needs to wake up.

Disaster lost control soon enough, punched Success right square in the mouth.
Success realized itself then - got vicious towards Disaster, now face down on the pavement.

Try not to get confused by this story.
Bad isn't necessary to balance Good. The child of that union Suffering.

Kill the Bad.

Swami Rama's Mantra

2009-02-09T10:36:00.001-08:00

Fear invites danger.

Life

2009-02-09T10:10:00.000-08:00

From silence comes a story.
From talking comes service.

These are the tracks of life today.

2009-02-03T14:18:00.000-08:00

Poem By Feng-Kan (Big Stick)

Actually there isn't a thing
much less any dust to wipe away
who can master this
doesn't need to sit there stiff

From The Collected Songs Of Cold Mountain translated by Red Pine

Keep going.

2009-02-02T05:53:00.000-08:00

When I was walking back to my body this morning, I almost stepped on one of those barking grasshoppers. I didn't step, and it did bark.

O aphasia* kept me from getting home in time; I tried to stop and talk.

If this happens again, I think that one disease [aphasia] can be cured by another [muteness].

Love,
Edgar Now!

*a⋅pha⋅sia [uh-fey-zhuh]– noun Pathology. the loss of a previously held ability to speak or understand spoken or written language, due to disease or injury of the brain.

Nina Hagen

2009-01-31T21:02:00.000-08:00

I just watched this interview with Nina Hagen. I don't know much about her aside from she is a devotee of Haidakhan Babaji, and a big star, and she sure kicks butt here!

upon further inspection, there are lots of great videos with her on youtube.

Neutral Milk Hotel

2009-01-31T20:23:00.000-08:00

I'm listening to Jeff Mangum, Little Birds. Beautiful song.

I make an attempt for my mind to match my world. A wise woman I met once brought up the profound idea presented by Black Elk (Black Elk Speaks) which says (paraphrased) for a vision to have power, you must bring it down into the world.

A vision is something that works. The compeleteness of a vision is brought down into the world, something happends. Like a monsoon in the desert, all life is nurtured. But like a great wave which floods the land, unsturdy structures are annihilated.

Look deep into the sky and there is a vision.

Militia

2009-01-26T12:32:00.000-08:00

Overcroweded ship, sinking under the weight and under duress.
It's a slave ship, dealing in slavery, living off blood.

Choppy sea, and still deep in the ocean are carnivores.

to be continued....

Modified saying.

2009-01-21T06:40:00.000-08:00

Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can make me crazy.

And if I am in samadhi, nothing at all can touch me.

Money

2009-01-19T16:24:00.000-08:00

http://www.thomaspainereturns.net/posts/sdfr.html

"There is no rational reason why the U.S. Congress cannot print its own currency. The Congress was intimidated, bribed and blackmailed into creating and maintaining the Federal Reserve Bank. The Federal Reserve was awarded a contract to manage the currency in America. The cost of that contract to the U.S. has been $10 trillion in national debt. "

http://www.thomaspainereturns.net/posts/sdfr.html

Foam Clothing (you can make your own, too)

2009-01-17T19:46:00.000-08:00

bulletproof clothing in columbia

2009-01-17T11:43:00.000-08:00

An Example or The Fourth Amendment

2009-01-16T13:44:00.000-08:00

More laws are going down the drain in the name tyranny.

from Jan 14
http://fe11.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com/news/us/story/ap/20090114/ap_on_go_su_co/scotus_evidence

Obviously there is something they are trying to do right now. Here below is a "new" story dealing with the same matter.

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/0...ol_stripsearch
(notice that this news is dragged up from what began in 2003. Only a heinous person would continually appeal a case like this. Only a heinous media would be so benign towards these defendants.)

This is a good example of a tactic used where the court is used to subjugate the law and then the media keeps people sedated about it.
First the court fixes the law to give more power to the authority, then it is advertised so it becomes "legal" (otherwise most cops wouldn't know either), and finally to prevent any public outburst, they advertise another, more shocking case which has yet to be decided and in that way the rage it should incite is put on hold until by a similar yet more shocking case.

Let's NOT wait and see what happends.

Let's BE what happends.

2009-01-13T10:57:00.000-08:00

I've been caught thinking there is no process to creativity. There is a process, I just don't know it all yet.

1:30pm Tuesday

2009-01-13T10:25:00.000-08:00

O fear, leave me alone.

-----------

It seems as if I'm always fearing something when i write. I don't think this is good, i think i should be not be fearing. I think I've confused the tasks at hand. My mind is distracted by aversion. Usually one speaks of attraction and aversion, but I can't right now because I don't even like anything when i write. That is damnable.

Recited from memory, ignorance, I-ness, attraction, aversion, and fear are the five colorings a thought can take.

Really,

2009-01-09T14:12:00.001-08:00

This mind can't think of anything to post.

Untitled.

2009-01-08T16:07:00.000-08:00

I can't think of anything to post.

Tuesday

2009-01-06T16:10:00.000-08:00

I am wondering if there is something like thought based art.

It's something different than idea based art, where one has an idea and uses that or those ideas to make a peice of "art".

The thought is like a state or non-state. Somwhere where the art starts and finishes. Everpresent, no-where.

Like an anchor, the thought holds the piece indestructably together. It seems as if no one knows whos thought it is. Does it belong to the viewer or to the creator?

???

Hmmm

2009-01-05T09:48:00.000-08:00

I would like to figure out a way to do this:

prevent the destruction of human kind and the implementation of the One World Order.

suggestions welcome.

If you are Canadian, please comment. I don't know much about the goverment system of Canada but I do know things are happening now that are making people upset. I think my friends in Canada would do good with this resistance stuff.

my comments.

2009-01-02T23:44:00.000-08:00

edgarnow said...
it's odd how the word forge at one time means to create something with concentrated effort and then at another time it means to make something completly fake.

There goes all that hard work!

i bet someone [evil] had a nice day in the [cosmic] office when that patently English [language] contradiction came about.

cherrio!

2008-12-28T22:08:00.000-08:00

If this were a desert island,

Day 1:
My lips are parched from thrist. There's a refreshments stand on the backside of the island but they won't take my change, they say I'm not learned enough.
I looked up some words in the dictionary. I've put the word "as" on the confusing word list. Its in alphabetical order so "as: is the first one. I just started it so "as" is the only one, currently.
God save the queen.

Day 2
I don't know if we'll ever get off this island. I mean, there's ships that pass by all the time, but you know, rich snobby people live on them, so we don't bother waving them down.
The dictionary has become my only recourse. After finding out what recourse means, I realize that was an imcomplete statement. Try again: The dictionary has become my only recourse to to the slavery of not understanding, here on this desert island. I feel like I would never be dull or distracted again, if only i knew. For now, I pray that no missunderstood words will crawl out from under my bed and terrorize me.

signed,
mysteriously

Holiday Cheer.

2008-12-25T01:39:00.000-08:00

Although I am decidedly against the perpetual sarcifice of trees for this occasion and the sacrifice of Jesus all those years ago... Merry Christmas! It is supposedly the birth of JC, so thats ok. But the church is crazy anyway. Heres to the real battle of Armageddon and Satan's last stand!

-Edgar Now!

Merry Christmas
http://www.canng.com/articles/revelations.html

What there is to see.

2008-12-23T09:28:00.000-08:00

What there is to see by Edgar Now!

Oh is the sound of the imagination.
Oh is the sound of suffering unwanted.
Oh is the sound of the freight train talking.
Oh is the sound of the realization.

Oh is the sound of confusion passing.
Oh is the sound before your laughing.

Oh is the sound of relief.
Oh is the sound of the call to action.

Oh mind, help me along the path.

Ah is the sound of it all together.

OO is the sound of all your wonder.

MM is the sound of all your pleasure.

After that there is the silence.

AUM

A guess at history

2008-12-14T16:21:00.000-08:00

I don't know if the news will every tell us that we can decide our own fate.

meditator and the traveler

2008-12-13T10:33:00.000-08:00

The good traveler enters upon a city, he takes a look around and soon becomes the city.
An installation, a work of art, has the audience at its command.
So too does the good traveler artfully command.

The good meditator doesn't move at all.
Doesn't travel here and there, goes up and doesn't fall.

The meet in the city and have a conversation about society and their upbringing.
Agreed they learned all the wrong things their lives are lead to fix it.

the end

Greetings

2008-12-11T16:00:00.000-08:00

once upon a time, i was trying to get from thunder bay to toronto. I needed to get out of there. this was the last time i ever hung out there. In the past I had good luck with this spot and it was an easy hop out without much waiting involved. This time the same scheduled trained seemed to pass by, but it seemed to have stopped somewhere else, or not at all. I decided I would go to sleep and hitchhike in the morning. In the morning i started hitchhiking and it was good. canada is great for hitchhiking. At some point down the road i got picked up by an older woman who was drinking. she was headed towards smiths falls, ontario, near ottawa. Eventually she asked me to drive and although i didnt have a licence, i agreed. i drove for some hours and she droped me off and i continued to my destination. which i changed to montreal in stead of toronto.

Canada is alllright.

More Conversations.

2008-12-08T15:56:00.000-08:00

6:53pm
A
In this case, it was just based off a photo... and I'm like, "this girl is pretty..." yet there are plenty of other girls I think are pretty as well.

Beer is a lot of what she and I have in common.

Well... and a lifetime of friendship and growing up together...

6:54pm
Marco
haha.
all of that stuff WILL KILL YOU!

A great contemplation

2008-12-08T15:42:00.000-08:00

I am beyond space and time. Nothing is outside of me; they are all within me.

dhyana

2008-12-05T10:26:00.000-08:00

meditation comes after ones attention becomes one pointed. one pointedness comes when the attention stops moving from here to there.

When law is lawless

2008-12-04T09:51:00.000-08:00

I think you should get a gun. oh, and a licence for it too.

Go down the the firing range and practice. learn to shoot real good.

Sharpen your senses, learn how to overcome death in your breathing. Learn how to dive real deep.

Its up to you if you want to carry this gun around, but be responsible. Don't let anything phase you. You should be good with your hands and your kicks too. Work on that.

Plan for the lawman to get real lawless. Don't be afraid.

2008-11-23T22:29:00.000-08:00

This is from a correspondence with a friend of mine, about the negativities of this television show:

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/index.php?rn=222561&cl=10789507&ch=222562

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/cbc/081121/canada/calgary_calgary_kick_ginger_attack_1

========================

i just meant it as an example of mind control.

you have to really know how the mind functions. Partially i just want to point out parts of how mind control works because Scientology has been accused of "brainwashing" people. which is wholly the opposite of what is true.

obviously, the key ingredient in mind control is to have a "control". the desired behavior or thought or word which one wishes to implant in order to bring about a desired result. The other key ingredient is a level of suffering/pain. Pain comes first, then the control. to explain the control aspect, say someone says (talking) that you should worship and shows you a picture of jesus dying on the cross. In a good state of mind, that shouldn't have much effect on a person aside from a the memory of it. the memory they will always keep with them but its effect is pretty minimal in day to day life. Now, add pain to that. Beat the shit out of them and show them a picture of jesus dying on a cross and tell them to worship it. Now you have a very effective form of mind control/brainwashing. Due to the pain experienced during the event, the person is basically knocked unconscious (even though they may still be partially conscious) and the mind records whatever is happening. in this case the orders to worship or love the church or something. Add to this an order to forget that it happened or an apology or something which makes it appear harmless.

How does this relate to television? What is considered by many people to be a normal level of awareness, is actually more akin to a hypnotic trance. that means that a high level of pain (which includes spiritual suffering) has brought you to a point where you are not totally conscious of the present time environment and it has the effect that things become commands. People literal sit in front of the tv and "relax" into a state of unconsciousness. Then the things they watch not only become memories, they they become commands. Only they don't seem like commands because the mind has to rationalize them in a way that it has to make itself be right. Then, they are not doing this "because they saw this on t.v. and are just acting out what they saw in a cartoon" but the rationalization become "i don't like this person because they have red hair and that gives me a right to beat them to death and its all just a funny joke anyway ha ha."

oh how much easier it would all be if it were just a matter of censorship and free speech and laughs and good times. Unfortunately, its not.

We as humans have been kept in ignorance of ourselves for thousands and thousands of years. All so some fully crazy psychopath can get his kicks eat his meal and pass the time. And we have been stuck imitating this psychopath to our own demise. How much do people destroy just for a single meal?"

AWAKE! ARISE! GO TO THE WISE AND LEARN!"

Basic Advanced Guide To Freight Train Riding, part 2

2008-11-20T09:33:00.000-08:00

Now for part 2.

Is there really that much to train hopping? Yes. Why? Because you have to do it right. Life not done right leads to death. A backwards perspective of life leads to a backwards perspective of death. And of course death is the biggest foe of life. So the best thing to do is learn how to control that enemy and be free.

Overall, Jessica will make it. Here is what she feels.

1. Shaucha: purity of body and mind
The first mistake many a tramp and hobo is the glorification of dirtiness. Jessica offers a different perspective. In her role as a train riding super heroine, she says cleanliness gives her power and fluidness. She says its not a matter of other peoples opinion of her but instead it is the freedom she finds in it. Dirt controls people, says she. In this case dirt could be defined as that which there is an aversion to. Once, running into some high talking wanna be cool bums, she pointed out that glorifying those stupid things which made them dirty actually made them hypocrites and weaklings. Here she says that it is the effect of being outcast from a group or people which then has the dominant tendency to bring one to adopt the aversions of that group or people. Unfortunately, this always goes in the negative direction when gone unchecked. For example: Jeremy don't like the cool kids in school so he started drinking to be not like them. The cool kids started imitating his drinking so he started doing coke. The cool kids start doing doing coke so he started doing heroine. He overheared a cool kid talking about doing heroine so he decided to become a hobo. He packs his stuff and gets to a railroad overpass and then gets run over by a train.
This is an example of rebelling against yourself.

Now, I would also like to note that if done right, this train hopping lifestyle can be an exemplary kind of shaucha. It is possible if you can learn to wholly leave behind the impurities and corruptions of modern lifestyles and negative types of relationships. The experience can be like a bath for the mind.

Talk about good clean fun!

2. Santosha: contentment
Jessica feels content. When she is waiting for a train, she is content. When she is riding through the mountains, she is content. When she is heading over the plains, she is content. When tumbling through the hills, she is content. Completing a perfect dismount, she is content. Landing in a steam by the tracks, she is content. Walking the 10 miles into town, she is sure trying to be content. Finding out they don't let backpacks in the library, a little effort and she is content. Deciding to leave town because crappy things keep happening, she is content.

She feels that the decision to tramp and train ride in her life has helped her to always be content. Such is its beauty.

3. Tapah: training the senses, austerities, ascesis
The rigors of train riding has made Jessica very strong. Also, she does not negate that accomplishment and weaken herself through the imbibing of alcohol or taking of other drugs.
The universal expression of this tapah in train riding is that you will be confined to a (most likely) small area anywhere from a few hours to a few days. In some ways, this is actually Jessica's favorite part. She says that there is great joy found in allowing yourself not to move.

Jessica actually does not usually bring some entertainment along with her because she truly enjoys the fast.

4. Svadhyaya: self-study, reflection on sacred words
Jessica has probably studied a lot of different philosophies and practices, but she doesn't usually read on the train, as she finds it difficult. One of the things that she has talked about is studying the beauty in nature. She says that there are sounds behind the sights and that's what can make something beautiful or ugly. She believes that sacred words are what makes things beautiful.

5. Ishvara pranidhana: surrender; (ishvara = creative source, causal field, God, supreme Guru or teacher; pranidhana = practicing the presence, dedication, devotion, surrender of fruits of practice)

Jessica wants you to check this out:
[Yoga Sutra] 2.45 From an attitude of letting go into one's source (ishvarapranidhana), the state of perfected concentration (samadhi) is attained.

Here ends the Basic Advanced Guide to Train Hopping.

Basic Advanced Guide To Freight Train Riding - Part 1

2008-11-11T09:51:00.000-08:00

Modern society needs heroes. Super villains have gone mad. The populace is overcome with woe. Who has the courage to extend the boundaries of life? What love is there for one who refuses comfort? Is the human body meant for the rigors of this kind of travel? Will sedentary life and self satisfying mentalities destroy all of humanity??

The answers are: Jessica, Lots, Yes, and Maybe.

Today there is hope. Today Jessica A. rides hard. Now Jessica will show you how to ride a freight train while staying safe and accomplishing something at the same time.

Here we begin they mystical means....

So Jessica needs a purpose. Jessica needs a purpose and a determination to accomplish her purpose. For the sake of story, let us say that today's purpose for Jessica is the meeting of her boyfriend Don M. Chakra who lives so far away. Distraught and lonely, he is stuck working as a near slave in an ammunition factory in Seattle, North America. Soon it will be his birthday and he will be 29 years old. Old enough to retire and begin fighting crime, feeding old people and having fun with his love, Jessica.

Now Jessica has made a decision. Get there. First, she makes room for what she needs. All of this adds up to her contentment and so she continues on. Those things which she doesn't find useful are left behind.[some things one might need: Water, clothing, sleeping bag, bed roll, food or healthy snacks, simple entertainment or activity.]

So making her way to the hop out spot, which she has done some research to locate [which includes looking at maps and talking to people who know], she reviews what she is not to do, in the context of Patanjalis 1st rung of Yoga.

Yamas. (codes of restraint)
1. Ahimsa: non-violence, non-harming, non-injury.
Be kind to the rails you ride. Jessica doesn't which harm to anyone, so she does not wish harm on the objects she uses either. Don't tag up and graffiti the trains you ride. Don't intentionally leave a mess behind. Don't mess with train operations in any way. Remember, Jessica is just a hitchhiker here. Destroying property rightfully makes people angry. There is plenty of evidence to suggest that one who doesn't have harmful intentions in them when riding doesn't have harm come to them if caught. Such as being let free without charge if arrested. The spirit of the law is to protect. If Jessica doesn't intend harm, then Jessica is not breaking the law. But because the subconscious can force us to act in bad ways perhaps without even realizing they are bad, Jessica likes to remind herself that she isn't going to mess with anything on the train and isn't going to write her name on the container just so someone might see it and think she is cool.

This also means not harming yourself. Bodies are squishy, trains are aloof. Use your senses as best as you can and then remember that they lie too. Don't leave yourself in the path of a train. Stay off the tracks while your walking along thinking about that person want to hurt.

2. Satya: truthfulness, honesty
Jessica doesn't lie. When she lies, she feels it inside and it feels bad. She doesn't like feeling bad so she doesn't lie. Sometimes, to keep people from prying into her privacy too much, she will ask them a question without making it seem like a question. But Jessica first doesn't hurt others, so if telling the truth is going to hurt someone, she doesn't say it.

Do your research before you hop a train. Observe train yards and trains themselves. Find out what kind of trains you can ride and go look at them. Research the places you want to go. Look at maps and pictures. Collect the facts and use them. Jessica says this is a very important step.

3. Asteya: non-stealing, abstention from theft
Don't steal supplies. Jessica knows that things are not free so she doesn't break that agreement to her detriment.

For example: Jessica walks into a store, knowing that the people there wish her not to steal anything, and she walks out with merchandise. And in her mind, she has also walked out with the memory that she has just stole something. It is not really important and will still harm her if she believes herself to be righteous in stealing. Here, the crux of the agreement is that she has some idea of the consequences of her stealing. With the consequences being for herself and for others. This single action has the potential to be built upon. In one way, because her personality is built upon her memories, she can find herself identifying with the memory that she did something bad and therefore is bad. In another way, she will push against her negative action until she finds herself "getting what she deserved". So this haunts her until she "pays for it" or manages to cultivate enough energy in the opposite direction and be free.

4. Brahmacharya: walking in awareness of the highest reality, continence, remembering the divine, practicing the presence of God
Jessica does not see the world as mere objects. She knows there is a higher reality behind the reality of objects. Even her boyfriend, she knows is not a mere body. These trains are manifestations of an energy. One who is focused on the energy of this putrid creation will not accomplish much hopping fright trains. One who is focused on the light of the divine within, will always get where they are going.

5. Aparigraha: non-possessiveness, non-holding through senses, non-greed, non-grasping, non-indulgence, non-acquisitiveness
Now Jessica remembers Aparigraha and is indifferent to the arrival of her train. She sits happily as she can see the train that already left and which is leaving Novice-McCoy as a confused and angry mess and also can see the train which will one day pick her up without greed and without fantasy, but which Novice-McCoy probably won't even get on - he's so ruffled.

End of Part one.

Addendum

2008-10-28T10:14:00.000-07:00

As per my advice a few posts down (oct. 20).

I said: "Try, not to look at things with an open mind, but actually, to look at things with an open mouth, that feels more right."

I've thought about it and I was thinking maybe its not right because zombies walk about with open mouths and thats not good. Usually their eyes are closed or half closed too. So maybe the if for some reason your mouth is open, you should have your eyes fully open too. Like a look of surpise if thats what you feel.

Now, what I really should have said is... try looking with your tounge floating in the middle of your mouth, not touching any of your teeth. i think your mouth can be open when you breath in and closed when you breath out. or closed all the time.

I choose to live experimentally.

signed,
yours truly

p.s.- the floating tounge not touching any of the teeth and breathing in through the mouth and out through the nose like that is actually a legitimate breating practice on the path to yoga that i read about in Swami Rama's book The Path of Fire and Light: Vol.1.

Duration.

2008-10-28T09:30:00.000-07:00

It is stormy. This storm consists of wind and rain.

Its unfortunate that life consits of dilemma's.

Sometimes the dictionary is so horrible at defining words, but luckily, I am satisfied with this particular definition:

di⋅lem⋅ma –noun
1. a situation requiring a choice between equally undesirable alternatives.

I think I may even leave this as my whole post becasue I like the definition so much.
But I think again, that something is wrong with having a dilemma because why shouldn't there be a desireable choice??

I know that I have these dilemmas and at the same time Ive known forever what ive wanted out of them (meaning which choice to choose). But It looks like it might be that what confounds one into such a dilemma, or at least me into a whole lot of my own dilemmas, is the abashment of my own true nature.

(I like 4 and 5 particularly)
con⋅found
1. to perplex or amaze, esp. by a sudden disturbance or surprise; bewilder; confuse: The complicated directions confounded him.
2. to throw into confusion or disorder: The revolution confounded the people.
3. to throw into increased confusion or disorder.
4. to treat or regard erroneously as identical; mix or associate by mistake: truth confounded with error.
5. to mingle so that the elements cannot be distinguished or separated.
6. to damn (used in mild imprecations): Confound it!
7. to contradict or refute: to confound their arguments.
8. to put to shame; abash.
9. Archaic.
a. to defeat or overthrow.
b. to bring to ruin or naught.
10. Obsolete. to spend uselessly; waste.

a⋅bash
–verb (used with object)
to destroy the self-confidence, poise, or self-possession of; disconcert; make ashamed or embarrassed: to abash someone by sneering.

BUT ALAs! How can a dilemma be solved? Maybe this even leads to another dilemma. I could remember all the times the shining of my (or your) spirit was nullified. But this might lead me on a road of self pity or self aggrandizement which wallows in the result rather than percieving and transending the source of woe. Or I could seek to understand my actions and reactions and determine to be free from all fears. HA! It looks like theres not a dilemma at all. thats an easy one. Im just lazy! The problem is laziness and probabaly impatience arising from unabated desire.

a⋅bate
1. to reduce in amount, degree, intensity, etc.; lessen; diminish

Well, now that thats solved, I'm gonna go cry.

(abate, abash, confound, dilemma)

Website Launch

2008-10-23T14:25:00.001-07:00

I am launching a new website today. I hope you like it.

http://sites.google.com/site/edgarnowsurvive/

yuck

2008-10-20T18:01:00.001-07:00

A few minutes of watching TV revels the psychosis which apparently is seen as normal at this time.
Authorities abound on countless subjects, most of which could be consider to be competely devoid of human life.
Does this mean our death?

I want to know the other options. How does one reconcile the need to combat these forces pushing unrelentingly towards death, and the need to live in the world?

We are being pushed through this thing called world. And its usually not into a springtime retreat in the bahamas!

I don't have anything to write about travels cause I havent gone anywhere. I want to go traveling. I don't want to go traveling.
(I wish I knew the secret. I wish I had the key to unlock it.)

I don't think I am running away from action. I think that I am contemplating what right action is.

Advice. This is a bad place. Try, not to look at things with an open mind, but actually, to look at things with an open mouth, that feels more right.

You can't fall off the World.

2008-10-19T19:54:00.000-07:00

A Medley

You can't fall off the World

My subconcious mind still thinks the Earth is flat.
It looks to the edge and thinks that it will fall off.
Im trying to make it see that it is rounder than that.
If you walked real far you could say you went down but they you see that you'll come up again.

If I could fly I think I'd walk down the street.
Of course it would be in New Dehli, Tibet, Los Angelas or Toronto.
At 3 oclock i would eat lunch and then I would head off to LA so to take a stroll down the block.
Something simple.
Better yet, I could follow the Night or chase a storm and find the desolate places to walk.
Where no one is around, but the trace of their memories fill the place to the brim.
Which star would I go to?

I like to call home near the water. But sometimes the ocean seems so lonely.
Dry land is ok but my first love was a Mermaid.

Dukha Hara Suka Hara

2008-10-14T11:57:00.000-07:00

UNTITLED

To the senses, pain and pleasure, call on your mind.
For the senses, are a channel for your mind to "the world".

Marco,
You love your senses, you hate the world.
You love the world, you hate your senses.
I think they are the same.

No Marco,
I think you just hate everything. Your a louse. Your vehicle is a mouse.
Geez you need to just get out of bed and do some work.

"Oh but work is confusing. I am too confused, confused."

Now tell me, what is your name?
What brought you here, and how are you doing?

Why, your an outcast here, you've been deflated.
Your tires were popped, you were running flat.

Oh Marco, don't you know?
What is it that you need?

"So, the rich and the famous, have got what I need... but escape... that is dangerous."

The Secret of the Game:
Paste before I erase it all.

The - Totality.

2008-10-13T10:52:00.000-07:00

[yeah, the ending of this piece here turned out to be a scam.]

possessions, owndership, loss, and time.

As of last night, I thought that I should write something about an occurance which i learned of... but i decided to meditate first and be silent.

On Oct 4 I managed to get to Greenesboro, North Carolina. By 5 o'clock I maganged to leave undetected on a north bound direction frieght train. By 11am the next morning I was pulling into the large,islanded and electric fenced train yards of Newark, New Jersery. I jumped off. After finding no other way out, I ran back across the narrow train bridges underneath the funny little eyes of the security cameras and in search of streets not listed under the heading of "private property". A 1000 feet later i hopped the fence and landed on safer grounds, next to the hazardous waste facility and some electrical plant. 1000 feet more I meet the ordinary street and a kindly sign welcomed me to Newark, New Jersey. (presumably I was in limbo previous to reading the sign, New York being across the big bridge).

Now, I was never certain where I end up. I had my final goal, but I thought it might be a little more difficult. For a moment I thought I would end up in Ohio, which for some reason amde me happy. Then Allentown. Then, when we blew by Allentown, I knew Northern Jersey was the destination.

This was beneficial for 2 reasons: One, because it was a simple New Jersey transit ride away from Philadelphia, my planned destination. Two, because a friend,Lily who I had been trying to meet up with for a long time lived in New York.

So I attempted to call Lily from a gas station in Newark, but the call couldn't be placed so I hopped on the bus to downtown New York, which happened to stop a block from where I was. $4.40.

I managed to get a hold of Lily, whom I seemed to have woken up. It was nice that I could call her up very much unnanounced and have her be willing to meet up at that same moment. We planned to meet in Uptown Manhattan where she lived. I took the subway uptown and called her up again. In 10 min or so she met me in front of the McDonalds where I had got off the subway. She took me to eat at a nearby restaurant and we talked. She was planning on leaving New York by November and wanted do some more traveling, wanting also to visit friends in Texas. Our presence seemed to bother the restaurant staff as more and more people came in. After a confusing time with wait staff we managed to leave with some "contraband" food and from there decided to sit in the park. We sat and talked and she told me about how she just stared in a movie which will be showing soon and will also be in some film festivals. She told me about her friend who had just gotten beat up a few days before very badly by a group of guys. She said they started when he tried to defend her when one of the guys grabbed her ass. He was in the hospital and she was going to go visit him that night. She took out a camera and a man took a picture of us before we departed. Then we took another arms lenght picture.

She gave me some things to keep and we said goodbye and departed. I left for Philadelphia and that task that I must do right now. Less than a week later, according to her myspace account, On Oct, 11 2008 Lily died in a friends apartment in Uptown Manhattan.

Brahma satyam jagan mithya
Brahman (The Absolute) is real; the world is unreal.

For Lily,

Aum Bhur Bhuva Svah
Tat Savitur Varenyam
Bhargo Devasya Dhimahi
Dhiyo Yo Naha Prachodayat

On the absolute reality and its planes,
On that finest spiritual light,
We meditate, as remover of obstacles
That it may inspire and enlighten us.

(Gayatri Mantra)